The verdict is in

and Chemo it is.  After Brandon's oncologist spoke with his colleague in Indiana, they recommended chemotherapy.  Brandon has done plenty of thinking, praying and talking about his options over the last few days.  Even before he heard back from the doctor, Brandon was leaning toward the chemo.

In his words - he "just wants it to be over and move on."

So Brandon will go tomorrow for blood work, and again next week to meet with his oncologist to finalize the plan and get a few remaining questions answered before starting the chemotherapy the following week.    Both doctors recommended only one round of BEP chemotherapy.  This is good news.  For Brandon, one "round" will look something like this:

Monday (4-5 hours of treatment)
Tuesday (1-2 hours)
Wednesday (1-2 hours)
Thursday (1-2 hours)
Friday (1-2 hours)
Saturday / Sunday (no treatment)
Monday (4-5 hours of treatment)

After those six treatments, he will be "off" for 3 weeks, but still going in weekly for labs, blood counts, etc.  BEP chemotherapy is tough.  There are plenty of side effects, both short and long-term.  Short term side effects include nausea, exhaustion, hair loss, immune deficiency, acid reflux, dry mouth, etc....  Long term side effects include sterility, possible lung scarring and kidney damage, and greater risk of developing leukemia later in life.  I will be honest and tell you that we're both nervous.  Probably me more than Brandon though.

He is strong, both physically and mentally.  I know he can handle the short term side effects.  I have full confidence in Brandon.  Neither of us however, expected to have to make a decision about fertility at 27 years-old.  We had not decided 100% that we would never have another child.  We definitely knew that it wasn't something we wanted right now (we have our hands full as it is!), but we always wanted to keep our options open for a few years down the road when the boys were older and more independent and we weren't scrambling to get through the day with two babies.  Yes, we could look into sperm banking, but that is quite expensive on a monthly basis, not to mention the cost of artificial insemination when we're actually ready to use them.  If we wanted to have another child soon, then yes - that would be a no-brainer.  But because it may be 5-7 years, the cost alone is too daunting.  So we've decided not to bank the sperm (you may remember Lance Armstrong just having a child last year through this method.)  We have always talked about a possible adoption in our future, and if anything, this just solidifies that desire.  But to be honest, I came home last night and looked at my precious boys - one who looks like his mommy and one who looks just like his daddy, and it made my heart ache to imagine never having another little chubby-cheeked or thick-haired baby with Brandon's eyes or my mannerisms running around.

I just keep reminding myself that this is all part of God's plan for our family.  I have no idea why he chose this plan for us, but he did and we have to trust him.  It's easy to get down.  It's easy to wonder "why Brandon?"  or "what did we do to deserve this?"  But I try to push those feelings aside and focus on the positives in this situation - Brandon and I have been through soooo much with only 5 years of marriage under our belts.   Our relationship is stronger than ever.  We have done a lot of leaning on each other throughout this time period and I know that we can handle whatever comes our way.

Continue to pray for Brandon as he enters this phase of his diagnosis.  And of course - I'll update along the way :)