A Working Mom's Post

Well, true to the form of a working mother, I'm a couple of days late posting this.  Chalk it up to working on the weekends!  On Friday, I linked up with Kelly's Korner to get to know some other working & blogging mommies.  I'm supposed to post any stories, tips, etc about being a working mother.

I really don't have a whole lot of tips about being a working mother, because there is NO WAY I can claim to have this under control.  Some days, it makes you feel like the worst mother in the world.  Other days, it makes me feel empowered.  There are days when I feel frustrated leaving my children in the hands of others and days when I feel relieved to have an outlet outside our home.

We are blessed to have two sets of grandparents nearby who split our childcare.  So my mother has the boys a few days a week, and my husband's parents have them the remaining 2-3 days (depending on whether we work the weekends).  This is an ideal (and free) situation for us.  And while that may be the best alternative to being a stay at home mommy, there are still days when I wish I could stay at home.

I often see my stay-at-home mommy friends post pictures of their child's crafts, play dates and handwriting on Facebook.  Those posts always make me sad because I feel like my boys miss out on so much of that stuff.  I try to cram preschool training and craft time in on the weekends, but it's tough when that's only 6-8 DAYS out of the entire month and that time is also shared with housework, errands, a husband and friends.  And you can forget playmates.  Unless it's an actually birthday party on the weekend, my boys rarely get to play with other kids outside of their cousins and preschool classmates.

We also deal with the issue of consistent discipline on a daily basis.  Imagine this - you have THREE separate sets of house rules, expectations and temperaments to deal with.  We are constantly struggling to train or re-train our boys on what's expected in our home because what doesn't fly at home, will sometimes fly with one grandmother and always fly with the other.  So I'm constantly having conversations about behavior, timeouts, punishments, etc.  with the grandparents.  As an example, my almost two year-old will always take one nap at home.  He will take two naps at my husband's parents and NO nap and my parent's home.  That's because he pushed the boundaries at each place until he knows how far he can get.  My oldest (almost four) whines a little too much, and his favorite phrase is "But ________ let's me do it!" And their infancy was a whole separate issue - bottles, naps, playtime.... the scheduling drove me nuts.

So yea, it's hard to trust others with raising your children, even if it is their own loving grandparents.  But there are lots of great things about it too.  My children have learned to develop wonderful relationships with other people from the very beginning of their lives.  They have such a special bond with both sets of grandparents, and to me (someone who had that same relationship with her grandparents) that is priceless. And there's no 24 hour after a fever rule with grandma.  If my kids are really sick, I do what I can to stay home with them.  If they have a low-grade fever with a cold - they go to grandma's.

So here are my (probably not useful) tips for surviving working motherhood:

• Find a job/boss that has children.  I've worked for one that didn't.  What a nightmare.
• Hire a cleaning person.  We do twice a month.  This cuts most of my house cleaning time in half on the 6-8 days per month I get to be at home.
• Make working-mom friends.  It sucks being the only friend who constantly misses playdates, lunches, etc..
• Communicate.  I call to check on my kids every day.  I want to know how they're behaving, what they're eating and all that other good stuff.  I don't care if it gets on anyone's nerves.  You've got my kid, so you've got my heart :)
• Make sure your husband is playing an active role in the home - cooking, cleaning, child-rearing.
• Turn your lunch break into "Me-Time".  Get your nails done, go to a park and read a book, blog, have lunch with a girl friend.  Otherwise, you'll find yourself wondering why you never have time to get a pedicure or read a book.
• Finally, when one of your stay-at-home mommy friends mentions that her job is the toughest in the world, don't argue.  Yes, we know our job is tough too, maybe even tougher.  But don't be jealous of her - you all know there are days (most likely on Sunday evening) when you're tired, your kids are cranky and all you can think about is getting back to the office and away from the whining.  She doesn't get to do that and that's probably a fitting punishment for a bragger ;)