Isn't it funny how quickly life brings reality back to you. It's kind of like that beach vacation you take with your kids each year - just when they get adjusted and stop waking up at 5AM, it's time to go home. Now the time has come for me to go back to work :( I've spent 8 weeks getting three kiddos adjusted to mommy being at home and now we are all headed back for reality - or in their case, Grandma's.
The number one question I have been asked since having the baby is "Are you ready to go back to work yet?" I'm not really sure how to answer that honestly. The truth is, it doesn't matter how I feel about it, because I have to go back. So even if I felt sad about going back to work (which I do), I have to put my big girl panties on and go back. And that's fine - over the years, I've accumulated a lot of big girl panties, so I should have some in stock ;) But I don't live in some sort of fantasy land where I think I am entitled to stay at home because I have given birth to a child. The major determining factor in whether or not mommy works or doesn't in our home is health coverage for myself in our three munchkins. Although my husband's company provides his coverage, they don't cover families. Yes, he could find a job where they did, but he absolutely loves his job and I would never in a million years ask him to leave a job that he loves so that I can stay at home. I think it's such a true rarity for someone to LOVE their job (not just tolerate or even like) and I'm glad he has that.
And because we both work outside of the home, our family gets an occasional vacation, my son attends a preschool that I love, and my addiction to super cool children's shoes for my kids is not seen as life altering.
I have truly enjoyed my time off with my babies. I got to take Will to school and pick him up, which to you stay-at-home mommas may sound like nothing special, but I have never gotten to do that with him. Brooks and I built lots of forts and he learned how to pedal his bicycle while I was out of leave. I got to take all three babies on Will's field trip to the apple orchard last Friday, where we picked apples and had a picnic. Those are all things I would have missed had I been at work. Of course, Miss Tessa and I have enjoyed lots and lots of snuggles. She is SUCH a sweet baby and I am truly going to miss having her as my little sidekick throughout the day. Maybe my boss wouldn't notice if I just put her under my desk in her little bouncy seat??
As you can probably tell, I'm trying to stay positive, but the truth is that for the first time in three maternity leaves, I'm sad to go back. Not because I think I'm an awesome stay-at-home mommy. I'm not that great at it actually. I am usually frazzled before breakfast and counting the hours until daddy gets home by 3. My boys don't always mind, they may or may not take naps, and I definitely don't do any fun crafts. Craft time is "let's go outside and play in the dirt". I'm just going to miss my babies. Someone once told me that it's easy to go back to work when you're children are infants, but harder as they get older. I think that is so true. I think a lot of the reason why I'm sad about going back this time is because I got a little taste of everything I'm missing with my boys. I'm also pretty nervous about going back to work. I had a REALLY bad experience when I came back to work from maternity leave with Brooks (with a different company) and as Brandon would say, I'm a little "gun-shy" this go around. My office is pretty small - only 7 people including myself, and the group dynamic can change so much when one person is out. I kind of feel like I'm going in blindly tomorrow. Who knows what changes will be waiting for me :/
BUT - I do want to stay positive, and I want to give credit where credit is due:
To my husband who will probably never read this: he has been such a help for the last 8 weeks. Not many dads would tackle caring for three young children like he does. I'm always amazed at how well he does with them and how well my boys mind him. I never ever worry about leaving them with him. I've had a couple of dinners with girlfriends, evening walks with my neighbor, etc. and he never gives me a hard time about needing some me time. He is also such a big support system for me. When I feel crappy about how I look, the weight I haven't lost, or the clothes that I can't get into, he tells me how beautiful I am, he tells me to go shopping, or keeps the kids so that I can get some exercise. Seriously, every girl should have a husband like him!
To my in-laws: they have been so helpful with my kids. If I needed a day with a few less bottoms to wipe, they would come and get the boys for the day. If Brandon and I needed a night out, they would watch them so that we could go to dinner. And ultimately, they will also be keeping all three babies 5 days a week when I go back to work and there is not enough time in the day for me to thank them enough for that. They will be doing Will's preschool drop-off and pick-up too which is not exactly just down the street for them. I am soooo grateful to have such wonderful in-laws.
To my parents: although my parents both work, they are always stopping by on their days off to see the kids and me. My boys looooovvvveeee their Gram and Pappaw and love their spend-the-night dates at my parents. With three kids to get in the bed, and three kids who may or may not get up various times throughout the night, Brandon and I really appreciate those spend the night trips so that we only have to worry about Miss Tessa for just one night. My mom also spent her only day off last week with me and Tessa at the mall while I tried on a blue million dresses for a wedding this past weekend. I know what it's like to just have one day to do everything you need to get done on your day off, and I really appreciate that she chose to spend that time with me :)
For my friends and neighbors who have visited, made suppers, called and offered to help with the boys, you have no idea how much I appreciate each one of you. If you ever want to find out who your sweetest friends are, have a baby. They will be the ones who feed you, love on your baby, encourage you, and make you laugh even if it's just over the phone. I am truly blessed with a great group of friends!
To all my friends out there who, like me, are working moms - I just picked up a copy of a book called Just Let Me Lie Down, by Kristin van Ogtrop. She is a working mother of three and HILARIOUS. In her book, she defines a working mom's balancing act:
Balancing Act: a hilarious notion that some feminist (or come to think of it, it may have been an antifeminist) came up with to describe what any working mother must do: that is, bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. But the skillet is very, very heavy, and on certain days you don't even feel like you can pick it up. Other days you'd like to use it as a weapon - and would, if it didn't mean certain arrest, which would have negative playground ramifications for your kids. On these days you really are just acting, to very little applause.
So I'm back to the balancing act tomorrow. I'm crazy nervous, pretty sad, but more or less just ready to get back to our reality. Say a prayer for me - that I'm nervous over nothing, that the day flies by, and that my babies have a great day at Grandma's (that part I'm not very worried about). Thanks in advance!!
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