Something On My Mind...

A few months ago, I began to see a lot of my friends pinning things like 40 Ways to Pray for Your Husband and 8 Tips for Being A Better Wife.  After I read a few of these, I felt so angry and I didn't know why.  I couldn't really say that I don't want be a better wife - I do.  I also couldn't say that I don't pray for my husband, because I do that as well - just not in the ways that these posts were suggesting.   One highly repinned post suggested that I pray certain prayers for my husband.  Some of them sounded logical enough - pray for his relationship with God - okay, sounds good.  Others had me wrinkling my eyebrows - pray for him to continue being a good provider for our family.  Pray for him to resist temptation from other women, etc, etc... huh?  I'm confused - am I praying for my husband or am I praying for ME at this point? Why am I supposed to be spending my time in prayer with Christ keeping my husband from temptation, when I need to be praying that I keep MY OWN head on straight.  When I finished the post, I felt like I was expected to carry the burden of my husband's indescretions.  Like - if he cheats on me, is it because I didn't pray for him enough? OR if his job doesn't allow me to stay at home with our children, is he an inadequet husband and father?  OH CRAP!  What does this mean about me if I sometimes LIKE working outside of the home?? In the post titled 8 Tips for Being A Better Wife, the writer suggested "Don't make your husband ask you twice - if he asks you to do something, do it then and he'll know he can depend on you." Ummmmm - so does this mean that if I have to ask him 25 times to take the trash out that he clearly can't be trusted to feed the children if I have dinner with my girlfriend??  Or do I even get to have friends anymore??  I'm confused.

WHY in the world are we doing this to ourselves?  Why are we becoming so obsessed with proving ourselves to be the most loving, self-sacrificing, all-encompassing wives and mothers on the planet??  I mean, is it not enough that we work hard, whether in the home or at the office, raise our babies and have loving relationships with our husbands?  Why are we not satisfied with that?  It seems these days, it's not enough to pour your kid a bowl of cereal and drop him off at school before a long day at the office.  You're not doing enough if you're not hand sewing your child's halloween treats for pre-k (and lord forbid you don't send a similar small homemade gift for each appropriate federal holiday thereafter!)  You obviously aren't spending enough quality time with your child if she's not reading by age 3.  All of this AND you're not being the "best wife" if your husband asks you twice to pick up his dry cleaning.

I am so over it.  I'm over having discussions about homemade baby food.  Let the kid eat cheerios and bananas and mashed potatoes.  I'm pretty sure that's what I was fed.  I don't want to talk about how long it's appropriate to breastfeed.  That's your business and no one else's.  WHY does it matter to anyone other than the two people participating - unless it's your husband and then don't make him ask you twice to stop!  Geeeezzzz ladies - stop the madness!

And when I say I'm over it - I really mean it.  I am typing this to you from a happy and loving home where my husband warmed up his own leftovers tonight and fed the kids cheese puffs for supper as I walked with a neighbor.  I was the dreaded mother who sent store bought valentines to the pre-k this year and I'm happily registering my oldest for PUBLIC kindergarten next week.  Look - life is hard enough.  I have decided to free myself from the craziness of Pinterest-inspired marriages and MOPS group lifestyles.  I love my family.  I love our life.  And if my husband can't resist the temptation of other women without me spending an hour a day in prayer over it, then we've got bigger problems.  Try it girls - let it go :0)

A Tornado Hits Our Town

We live in a VERY small town.  Think 2 or 3 stop lights.  The city limits span only 4 or 5 miles and the whole town boasts less than 5,000 people.  So when an F3 tornado spanning 1/2 mile wide tears through the middle of your very small town, it pretty much tears the whole town to pieces.  Last Wednesday started out like many other days...

I sent two babies off to Grandma's and Will off to preschool.  The weather forecast promised some nasty weather and we were already under a tornado watch.  I am not afraid of storms in the least (thanks to my dad who used to make me sit in his lap on the porch and watch the storms come through, but that's another story probably better suited for a therapist...) so I brushed off everyone's drama over the weather and pressed on with the day.  Will's preschool director even posted on Facebook about whether or not to cancel school and I commented that "nothing's guaranteed" and that school should continue on. 

By 9:30AM, everyone in my office was buzzing about the weather.  One of my bosses (am I the only one with like 3 or 4 bosses in one building?) came in and started again on the weather.  I said "I'm going to need more coffee if we're going to discuss the weather all day."  Little did I know I would have to eat those words later.

By 10:15, parts of our county were under a tornado warning. The town 20 miles south of us was in the path of a storm, but nothing for Adairsville.  At 10:45, my father-in-law called to tell me that instead of waiting until noon to pick Will up, he wanted to check him out early.  He "didn't like the weather" and I told him it was okay to pick him up early.  I laid my phone down and walked away from my office.  I went into my co-worker's office and scoffed about an over-protective grandpa being worried about his grandson.  Boy would I feel like an idiot later...

At 11:08, I went back to my office and noticed a missed call from Will's school.  The call had come at 10:58.  When I tried to call back, the office administrator answered and said "Will has just been picked up.  We were trying to get all the kids checked out, but he's already gone.  We're taking shelter now" and that was it.  I walked out of my office, with my phone in my hand.  There were no sirens going off.  I walked in front of the windows that face the back side of the bank, looking south towards Will's school (1/2 mile away).  The sky was dark and gray but nothing I hadn't seen before.  I mentioned to my co-worker that the clouds look low and creepy - almost like they didn't know where to go.

It was 11:15 at this point and I walked away from the windows and out into the bank lobby.  A customer came into the lobby, saying that the ATM was out of order.  As I went to help this customer, I heard, what we in the south call a "commotion" coming from the window I had just left.  My co-workers had spotted the funnel cloud moving toward the bank from the south.  And just like that, the lights started flickering.  Still no sirens.  After 15-20 seconds of flickering lights, the power went out for good.  People poured out of their offices, someone locked the front door to the bank in the dark, we grabbed the customer who was still upset about the ATM and ran for the vault.  10 adults in a very dark, 8X10 vault.  As soon as we were in the vault, my phone started lighting up "Are you taking cover?" "Are you okay?"  "Tornado in Adairsville. U ok?"  I sent a mass reply "In vault.  No power.  Funnel came right at us."

From the vault, I could see the windows in the lobby.  I saw gray.  That's all I saw.  I couldn't tell you if it was clouds, debris, or rain - it was just like a solid gray blanket hung over the windows.  We didn't hear the "train" you hear people who've lived thru tornados talk about.  To me, it sounded more like the sky growling at us.  Like a rolling thunderous growl.  After about 3-5 minutes the growling stopped and we heard police sirens - LOTS of police sirens.  We figured if the police were driving down the road, we were probably clear to come out of the vault.  We were all pretty quiet as we each tried to get enough cell service to call our loved ones.  More police flew by.  Ambulances and firetrucks flew past too.  I called to check on my kids (who were not in Adairsville).  They were fine.  I called Brandon (also not in Adairsville).  He was fine - just concerned about me and the house.  OH CRAP THE HOUSE.  I knew that the tornado had come directly at the bank from the south side of town.  Right where my neighborhood is.

I grabbed my keys and tried to get to the car.  The torrential rain was too much.  I wasn't going to be able to leave the bank.  I tried to get my neighbors.  After a few tries, my neighbors confirmed that our neighborhood was okay.  I relaxed.  My family and home was safe.  The 10 of us found seats in the dark lobby of the bank and listened to COUNTLESS emergency sirens fly by.  The roof started pouring water in several different spots.  We were all kind of emotionless as we shoved trash cans under the water.  Rumors were starting to pour in via text and Facebook.  Adairsville was gone.  The one grocery store was demolished.  I got wind that my son's school had been hit.  The same school he was at 15 minutes before the whole nightmare began.  I immediately asked God to forgive me for being a crappy mom (at least that's what I felt like) and thanked Him for keeping His hand on my family.

After several hours in the dark bank, with no food and soaked to the bone from my one attempt at leaving, a co-worker and I got in the car in search of food.  All we could see was the incredible amount of emergency vehicles everywhere - from counties and cities all over the state.  We knew that it was bad, but couldn't really tell the extent of the damage.  We found food in a neighboring town and tried to bring it back to our stranded co-workers.  The state patrol officers at the edge of town gave us a hard time about getting back into town, but we eventually made it back to the bank.

At 4:00, we decided it was time to try to get home.  Every.Single.Road between the bank and my house was closed due to damage.  The damage was horrendous.  People standing in the road where their homes used to stand.  Emergency crews everywhere.  Trees lying in the road and on homes.  The whole town smelled of wood.  Like a lumber yard - except it was from trees that were splintered by the storm.  There were mattresses, clothing, and home insulation in the trees that were still standing.  It was all too familiar to the storm damage 2 years ago on my in-law's farm.  After a 40 minute drive to my house that's 1/2 mile from the bank, I made it home.

Home was good.  Home was great.  The storm missed my home by about 200 yards.  Since the storm, I have thought MANY times about how a storm 1/2 a mile wide can split the 3/4 of a mile distance between my home and my office and not hit either place directly.  I've spent lots of time thanking God for my father-in-law and his decision to go get my baby before the tornado hit his school.

So many people have reached out to me - via phone, text, and Facebook.  I really appreciate everyone's concern.  We feel very loved and most definitely blessed beyond measure :)